UPDAAAATE!!!!

Ok, I realize I haven't posted to this blog in a while.  I seem to only be creative when I'm in a depressed or down mood.  I gotta change that.  :)

So, here's the update....

I AIN'T SKEER'D NO MORE!!!! 

Fear

Fear, the ultimate obstacle.  I'm not talking about "that lion is about to eat me" or the "was that State Trooper I just passed?" kind of fear.  I'm talking about the kind of fear that stops you in your tracks, seizes your vocal chords, brings the whole world to a complete standstill.  

The type of fear that catches your words before they can come out and shoves them to the side, or twists and changes them into something completely different before they're uttered.  

The fear that stops you from saying what your heart and mind want to say, no, need to say. 

That fear that won't let you, that holds you in place, stammering, sweating, heart racing, gasping for breath, unable to focus and have a clear thought.

The fear that keeps you from moving forward and reminds you that you could easily lose what's already behind you.

And the worst part of that fear is when it's not unfounded, unwarranted, or irrational.

So, yeah.  I'm afraid.  Scared to death.

Friends

So...what if I said I didn't want to be your friend anymore?

Sports metaphors and standing on the edge

Ok, so, am I Babe Ruth or Pete Rose?

Do I shoulder my bat, point to the fence, call my shot, and hope my planets are properly aligned and I knock it out of the park?

Or, do I screw up miserably to the point where the mere mention of my name is the punch line to a cruel joke?

Can I risk it all and put my head on the chopping block...again? Do I dare take that chance with so much to lose?

Hmmm.

Ok, so, it's kinda obvious that I don't make entries to this blog every day.  Not even every week.  And I'm sorta torn.  I want to make an entry now (well, evidently I AM doing just that), but several days of rampant insomnia have left my brain like so much oatmeal.  I find it ever increasingly difficult to form a cognizant, coherent thought, much less be able to put those thoughts "on paper," as it were.

I've had quite a bit on my mind lately, as well.  Some good, some bad, from "friendly kisses" to bills to unexpected financial windfalls to attacks of conscience to positive and negative self-realizations.  Hey, nobody said I DIDN'T have A.D.D.

All I know is IT'S COLD.  I'm tired of low temps.  I'm tired of runny or clogged noses.  I'm tired of high electric bills in a still-cold house.  I'm just... tired.

Maybe one day soon, when I've had an adequate amount of sleep and an equal amount of time to devote to posting a decent blog entry, I'll be able to get some of these thoughts that have been buzzing around in my gourd out and free into the world.  Sigh.

Until then, I'm going to do the best I can.  Double sigh.

For those of you playing the home game...

Well, not to be one to skip out on random thoughts that leave the very few people who bother to read this scratching their heads and asking WTF? or some other internet acronym (or simply just a random grouping of letters)... I present to you the following items, descriptions, or actions I must perform from my varied and lengthy agenda at some point Sunday (in no particular order):

• 5/32
• black (preferably teflon coated)
• fuel
• 1.25 - 1.3 inches
• bake, if I can find an oven large enough
• mounts
• cable bill (surprisingly, not mine)
• lead
• flirt shamelessly via text
• football

Oh yeah, sleep and food at some point, interspersed.  And I'm hoping for tons of the former.

With that, I bid (both) my loyal (?) readers a fond adieu.

Stifling creativity creatively

So, I'm in this mood to be creative.  But... how?

I have this annoying self-awareness thing going on.  I know what I'm capable of.  I know what I suck at.  Add in a nice dash of being overly self-critical with a splash of self-deprecation, and you got, well, me.  I could try writing, but I'm not confident enough in my writing to be comfortable with posting it as an attempt at being creative.  Maybe funny, sarcastic, or just plain rude and angry, but not creative.  There's my music, but I don't play well enough to really do anything with it.  I doodle more than draw, I don't paint, I don't sculpt, I don't carve.

So what's a guy to do when he feels like he wants to make an impact bigger than a footprint in the mud?

Is the doctor in?

So, blogs are supposed to be sort of therapeutic, right?  I mean, why else would people ramble aimlessly about what is or isn't going on in their lives?  Do people come to an epiphany by WRITING OUT their issues or thoughts, or do they find insight solely based on the scribblings of others?

Ok, so here goes.  This will be brief, at best.  

WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH WOMEN?

(I was so tempted to leave this post at that...)

Let me expound on this a bit.  I had gone out with a new woman a few times, things were going (as I thought) rather well.  Had a nice date this past Friday night, great time, nice goodnight kiss, etc.  Well, Monday, she TEXTS me (and you women say us MEN pull some stupid shit) and says that she doesn't want to date anyone, that she wanted to concentrate on "some personal things I have going on right now," etc.  Hmmm.  Oh, and "It's nothing you've done."  

Yeah, well, um... ok, then.

I must admit, I was disheartened and disappointed.  But the truth is (as I have mentioned to a few friends), there was just.... something... that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  Something off, something amiss.  That insubstantial, indescribable, white elephant.  I guess for lack of a better description:  while we had a lot of fun, laughed and talked a lot, there just wasn't a... connection.  You know, that invisible "thing" that you can't quite quantify or qualify.

Truth is, I've felt a very palpable connection with someone else for a while now.  I just didn't know how to broach the subject and say anything about it.  And even through all this, that connection keeps strengthening.  Eh, could be my imagination, but I don't think so.  Enough on that.  For now.  :)

I'll be in the shower, getting ready to go eat, patiently waiting for my epiphany.  And, to the epiphany gods, how about sending this one in plain English this time?  I'm tired of translating and reading between the lines.  Kthx.

MLK Day. Or, how short a memory the general populace has.

Today marks the recognition of the efforts and achievements of a civil rights pioneer, yet instead of celebrating the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. by visiting a museum or attending some type of educational or informative program, students and parents are complaining that school is in session due to the recent snows. The City of Charlotte had to use today as a snow make-up day, and all we've heard on the local news for three or four days is how the community is up in arms over the decision.  

It's really funny (and completely unnoticed by the mainstream media in the Greater Charlotte market) that Charlotte's mayor, who defends this decision, and who said people are making a huge to-do about absolutely nothing, is, well, black.

Are the masses who are complaining about this turn of events truly upset that the memory of a great man is being tarnished, or are they simply whining that they won't get to sit at home on their collective asses today and play PS3 or watch television?

Seems we as a society have learned nothing more than a vacation day trumps actually learning or understanding and celebrating something important.

The human race is capable of astonishing accomplishments, and probably the most amazing feat is our ability to simply FORGET. History used to be lost to antiquity, crumpled to dust like the sands of time. Now, in our short attention span world, it's lost in minutes. We, as a society, have forgotten why Dr. King ...lost his life. We have forgotten why we must take off our shoes and let strangers x-ray us at the airport. We have forgotten about common men who have picked up arms against enemies within and without our ranks.

"Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it." ~George Santayana, 1905

The blog cherry is popped. W00T.

So, I started this blog basically because a friend has an incredible blog (and out of respect for her, and since I didn't ask, I won't link to hers until I get permission) and I thought an opinionated S.O.B. like myself could use this as an avenue to vent, complain, and just bitch/moan/groan ad finitum.  Let's see how this goes.